OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
