So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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