dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
