life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Less talking, more tequila
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
