What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
