I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
