my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
