Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
