Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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