I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
