So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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