I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
