hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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