i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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