How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you had me at cake vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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