My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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