D3 body, D1 cock
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
