Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.