My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it