yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.