Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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