I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
