sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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