The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
