idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
