Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
