I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
