I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
