he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
