I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
