I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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