Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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