So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
