he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
