so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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