I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
