the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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