Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
