I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
