i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
