so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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