I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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