I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
