You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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