i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
