I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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