You made me cry and you don't even care
You're my little dorito
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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