i think my tv is drunk
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
