can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
