he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
