Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
