i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
