you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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