Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
