I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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