I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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