Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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