Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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