I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
