how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
