Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
