If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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