I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
