My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
