My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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