At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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