I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
