i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
