Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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