The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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