Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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