Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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