Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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