dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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