u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
