It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
